Jaxon is two!

I can’t believe it’s only been two years?! Literally feels like a good four and a half. I feel like an active 31-38 year old on a good day.

Fun fact about his name, Jaxon Jeter. We named him after Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy and Jeter after the infamous baseball player Derek Jeter. 

I suppose that explains some things. 

Jaxon has always been a spitfire. Since the womb, he knows what he wants, when he wants it and how he wants it. And booooy does his temper flare when we doesn’t get it. I remember I would push on my stomach and he would push back. I thought it was just a coincidence but we did it all the time. Lol like a game. Maybe. He would also kick me and stop as soon as I rolled over. But that wasn’t as fun.

He’s a wild little guy, too. Adventurous to the max. Dare devil. Standing on his train to reach the microwave. Standing in his stroller to grab shit. Seizing every opportunity to roam when he’s not strapped down. I understand child leashes now. I wouldn’t ever use it but for someone with low patience, low energy and low stamina, it’d be helpful. But I love that he’s curious and adventurous. Bella and Devon are not so I’m used to being in the house, sticking to a routine, knowing what to expect all the time. With Jax, we want to get out the house. We want to show him new things because he gets bored. With Jax, I’m always on my toes. Always on the move. Always looking out for hazards. He’s made me more aware and somewhat more present. I cannot have my phone out with him when we’re in public. Ever.((So please don’t call if we’re meeting up. I’ll be where I say we are. If I’m not, I’m running late or I’m lost and I’m depending on you to be there.)) I’ve learned that I can’t say, “Please, sit down.” I need to tell him exactly what I’d like him to do. Example: go get your monster truck book/train/blocks/whateverissafe and show us how to use it. He likes the attention and he has the opportunity to be active but in a controlled manner.

Speaking of, he’s insanely playful. He thinks everything is a game. He has a smirk for every occasion and an escape plan for every room. He thinks he’s being chased even after he drops whatever was off limits. He giggles the whole time. 

He loves cars. He brings them EVERYWHERE. They’re on the window sill. The car seat. The laundry room. I went to cuddle with a blanket and six cars were wrapped inside lmao lucky me

And he’s sofa king* sweet and intelligent! He makes connections that stun me all the time. He’ll run up to to the door when he hears it unlock and attack us. It’s insanely adorable. He tried to use a coupon to insert in the card reader. He spilled his drink one day and ran to grab a towel. When he sees trash, he throws it away. He calls me out when I’m wearing socks that belong to “Dadeee”. One day Bella was upset and crying and Jax started to cry. I explained that she was sad. (even though she was the one who didn’t clean up her desk and that’s why she lost weekend iPad time but w/e.) I suggested that he hug her. And he ran to her sooooo fast! It was easily top five cutest things he has done. Other top five was when he fed my niece her bottle. I died.

Also, I’m calling it now, he will be an engineer or a chemist. Or be interested in it. Jax loves to inspect and observe. He loves to watch how things work. We were at the docs office (bc when aren’t we?) and we were by the water fountains and he went to the side and realized he could press the button over there, too. Then the filter came on and he didn’t even flinch. He just inspected it.

And he’ll be an athlete because I will move to Wyoming and sell spray painted shirts before he doesn’t exert his energy and abnormal strength in a controlled way (suggestions would be A1). 

So cheers (coffee, not booze) to my adventure seeker and pencil smuggler, I love you.

Please don’t stop keeping me on my toes but 

plz 

tone it down 

just a tad. 

*leave a comment if you get it

Esco

It’s August 2015

We planned for Baby Esco. We actually said, “We’re ready for another baby. Bella’s five and in school, our roommate will move out before delivery, and we steady. Let’s try.” And I got pregnant within the month. We prepped Bella to be a big sister and told our families in a cutesy way...because we couldn’t do that with Bella. Ahem. Aaaanyway..

We were thrilled. We named him after Pablo Escobar because Narcos came out the month I found out I was pregnant. We didn’t know if I was having a boy or girl, the baby was Esco. 

It’s November 2015 

Twenty Six

My birthday is Monday and I've just been thinking about my life. Literally everything that has led up to me being who I am. Everything from people I've met to experiences I've encountered. Within the past year I've learned a few things about myself.

I've learned that I want to leave a positive impression on people. Regardless of theirs.

In twenty five years, I've lived in four countries and three states. I've been in 11 schools and in that time, I've met countless people. People who I've spent a year(or more) sitting next to in class. People at the drive thru. Or a doctors office. Some people I saw everyday and some I never saw again. But they were all left with an idea of who I was.

There is a part of your life that lives on in someone else's mind. To someone, I'll forever be the girl who was constantly ashy. To someone, I'll forever be the girl from Hurricane Katrina. To someone, I'll forever be the pregnant senior. To someone else, I'll forever be the girl who was pumping in a community dorm bathroom at UGA. 

You get the idea.

If you run into someone you haven't seen or talked to in a while, catch up! Try to leave a positive image of yourself. And maybe they'll leave a new one of themselves as well! 

What's meant to be will be. 

Obvi, I have goals and ideas of how to reach them, but if something changes along the way, I know that everything will work out the way it's meant to be.

After being a control freak for 25 years, I've had the realization that what's meant to be will be. Whether it's positive or negative. I just know what's meant for me will happen in the time it's supposed to happen. 

I still honestly have no idea how I got pregnant with Jaxon. Trust, I was not trying to be pregnant then or maybe ever again. 

I had a miscarriage six months before finding out I was pregnant with Jax. We still don't know why my water broke at 16 weeks. Obvi, I became insanely anxious. All the time. Constantly worrying about anything and everything. I was overthinking everything I did. All the time. I knew could not live the next eight months in constant fear. I had done everything right with Baby Esco and we still lost him. What was meant to be would be. Whatever was supposed to happen would happen.

I read a book by a monk named THICH NHAT HANH where he spoke about how we all live in fear. How fear restrains us from living our best life. I try to think about his rememberances.

As horrific as that experience was, I had one just as incredible. Bella was in the room with us and Steph, a bestie, snuck in, too. Another plus, my mom was in a better place than when I had Bella. 

This past year, I've been trying let go of my worries and focusing on the moment. If is bad, I know that it's a time for learning and it will leave. If it's good, I enjoy it as much as possible for it is leaving, too.

Contentment: 

I also realized I was in search of happiness. I thought things would make me happy. There would be something to show how hard we worked. How great we were doing. I quickly realized that things weren't enough. I needed to be content. Yes, I want to have a house but I also want memories. But the thing is, we'll make memories regardless of our house. It's the moments and people that make it a home. Now I know I want security for my children, for me, for my future. I recently found a quote from OTH. 

Happiness isn't a destination but a mood. I can discover what makes me happy and find happiness just about anytime! It's contentment that remains constant. Knowing what matters. Knowing the difference between wants and needs. I honestly think I'm happier now that I've found genuine contentment.

Within the next year I hope to learn during my twenty sixth year: patience.

Zamn, that was long. 

Happy #LibraSzn

Happy 28th birthday, Papi

Today is my baby zaddy’s birfdaaaay! He is my best friend and my soul mate for every lifetime. 

This is the eleventh birthday we’re spending together. From state championships to first legal drinks to gambling at a casino, to eating cake with our children, I’ve been there celebrating. It’s dope to literally watch him grow into the man he has become.

Really quickly, here are five facts about Devon

1. He has the power to lighten ANY mood. Regardless of the situation or who was involved, he’ll do or say something to make everyone smile. He cheers me up when I didn’t know I needed cheering. He makes me laugh when I don’t feel like laughing. He makes all days brighter and all moments sweeter. 
2. He is a die hard Knicks fan. He cheers for them every. single. time. Even when they’re embarrassing af. Which is often. One of our first dates was a Knicks @ Hawks and I was mad embarrassed. Like I really thought it was about to be fun but nope. Everybody cracking jokes and shit. I should also mention he’s a Yankee fan(we named our son Jaxon Jeter). But it’s easy to like a team that’s  incredible. It’s tough to stay loyal in the bad times. And unfortunately for the Knicks, that’s all the time. But I respect him for it.
3. He’s thoughtful. Like bringing me an extra scoop when I said I didn’t want one. Or detailing my car bc I mentioned it as a sidebar in an earlier convo. In fact, he wanted his cake sooo bad last night but refused to eat it because he didn’t want his babies to have a half eaten cake. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. Lol I love him.
4. He roasts our kids. Nothing is off limits. He makes discipling fun but in a way that makes our children think about their actions. He’s perfected his timing and comments and I just really appreciate him saying things I can’t. 
5. He is my home, my rock. No matter where we are I always find peace with him. When life is too heavy he lifts me to a better head space. When he sees I’m skressed, he goes to the source and removes it as best he can. He takes the kids. He starts dinner and finishes the dishes. He truly is BAE. I’ve loved him for almost ten years and have never stopped. I may have stopped liking him at a few moments (or days) but the love is constant. 

Happy birthday, Dev! Cheers to many more strawberry crunch cakes, oversized Hershey bars and homemade pizzas! And maybe a blunt but idk