#Eloping

Eight year old me would be disgusted with twenty-five year old me. See, EightYearOldShanice decided to plan her wedding. I blame it in part to the fact we didn't have cable. She was about the baller wedding. Princess gown with a crown veil. Seven bridesmaids and he would have seven groomsmen. There would be two flower girls. One for my entrance and actual dropping of flowers. One to carry my train. Oh, and one ring bearer. There would be a tooon of food and friends and gifts.

Sorry, Miss Extra. But at least you married the right guy.

It wasn't that Dev and I didn't want to get married, it's just that a lot of people were invested in our relationship. Tbh the wedding isn't about you. It's about your guests. We had accumulated friends and family over the past ten years. There were a lot of people who wanted to celebrate this union with us! 

We had discussed marriage before and we even started planning but it became overwhelming. And expensive!  #ZeroToAhunnid The venue. The decor. The flowers. The reception. The food. The DJ. The dresses. The tux. I'm sure family would help but I didn't want to assume. Even if they did, we didn't know how much they would invest.

Sooo we put it off until we could realistically afford a wedding.

Until one night while we were tucking in Bella for bed. We had a conversation that went something like this.

Bella: I'm a Bayon and Daddy is a Bayon but you're a Wilson. Why is your last name Wilson?

Me: Yeah, Dev. Why aren't I a Bayon?

Devon: One day she will be!

Bella: Really?! SHE WILL?!

She immediately became excited! As Dev and I left the room, we looked to each other and simultaneously said, "We have to get married."

We figured we should save what we would spend on a wedding and use it toward a badass honeymoon instead. We decided to "elope" and then go on a cruise in September of 2016. It gave us plenty of time to save.

But God was funny and in May of 2016, I was eight weeks pregnant but no one knew. Dev and I had already planned to get married in September but I'd be seven months pregnant. So basically, hell nah to September.

It was the end of May and we literally had something to do every weekend until mid-August. We quickly came to the realization that we needed to get married ASAP. We decided that no family would attend since Devon has family in NY and they wouldn't make it in time. We had two weeks to get our shit together. 

Although we were "eloping", we didn't keep it a secret. I discussed getting married with everyone! AND BOI! I'm glad I did. Surprisingly, everyone respected our decision when I explained that money was holding us back from marriage. Everyone I talked to told me that they wish they had just gone to the courthouse. So many people had horrific narratives about their wedding/wedding prep. From people losing friends and/or family, going actual bridzilla, and regretting spending hella dough on one day. One woman spent so much that it's been five years and she is still paying off the wedding! Even after the divorce!

As a little girl, I thought that weddings were magical days of love not nightmares of animosity!

Initially, I didn't want to be judged for being non traditional. But after having these wild ass discussions, I knew that I was doing the right thing. We did keep a few traditions, though. My mom and I went dress shopping, I had a bouquet and a cake! Bella was even able to be the flower girl for all eight couples. *crying emoji* She was living for it.

Although no one was at the courthouse, we still wanted to celebrate. After the ceremony, we went to dinner with our best friend, Drew, my family and Devon's mom. It was perfect! Minus the whole not partaking in the toast. *eye roll* 

But I's married nah!



I'm plotting on doing a post about tips for a courthouse wedding. Just in case someone out there wants to save some cash. And a headache.

Chaperoning will be lit

It's still bizarre to me that Bella is at an age of actual friendships, meaningful conversations and teeth losing. As cliche as it is, she's growing up so fast! 

I'm watching one of my best friends grow up into who she is supposed to be! It's the best! I see how she's matured and changed when handling situations, from anxiety to frustration.

Dev, Bella and I are all each other's best friends. I mean, sometimes she forgets the boundaries but we're quick to shut it down.**

And as any besties, we are involved in each other's lives. It's important to us that we attend all of Bella's school events, friends' birthday parties and social gatherings. 

All of this to say, I'm controlling af and going to be a chaperone for a field trip to the local zoo! Devon and I chaperoned one last year and we had such a fun experience I had to volunteer again! I'm stoked! Unfortunately, no siblings so I'm riding solo while Dev is in baby duty.

Now, the real question is, do I stunt on these hoes? The weather is going to be warm but possible rain *eye roll* so I'm not sure what I'm going to wear! 

UPDATE: I had a badass kid in our group and almost made him stay with the teacher but he damn near cried in front of everyone so I couldn't be that mom and I regret it. I should have given him up. 

**Also if you're cool with your children, they tend to forget you're a parent. Their feelings might be hurt because of something you did or said. Simply remind them that your responsibilities as a parent are to keep them safe, healthy and happy. And in that order. If you say no to something, ask them is this action safe and healthy? Are the consequences worth their happiness?

#CIO #WokeWednesday

At least Right now.

I don't know how much I actually believed in the Cry It Out Method until I had Jaxon. He was a little shithead in utero and he's a little one now. 

A Little History:

First of all, his head is flat.

Second, he has history of terrible reflux. 

I know it's not Jaxon's fault, poor kid, but it's why we are where we are. 

He likes being nursed. He likes being rocked to sleep. He likes being held a certain way. All in all to say, he's a time consuming baby.

Now, I feel like a shitty mom to Bella. I feel like she's constantly getting pushed to the side for Jax. Luckily, she's finding comfort in her new Moana book. 

Devon is either sleeping, at work or just "not mommy".

I made their evening schedules to where I can have some guaranteed one on one time with Bella at the end of the day. So when I hear Jaxon crying during my solo time with Bella, I have to prioritize once again. This time it's easy. I know for a fact that he:

Is fed and full.

Has a clean diaper.

Is comfortable clothing wise.

Is actually tired.

He's fine. 

He is in the process of learning to self soothe. He's used to a comfy bed that constantly moved while he slept. Now he's in this wack ass crib with a hard mattress. I know it's my fault and I understand his frustration. However, I'd much rather deal with this now than when he is older, more aware and louder.

Now, I will say that Bella and I check on him roughly every five minutes but he usually falls back asleep after fifteen. 

This is what's working for my family right now. I know the Cry It Out Method has a bad rep but at the end of the day, I gotta do me and you gotta do you. 

This is your life. 

No one else is missing your sleep. Or your time with your family. Or your mommy time. 

Do what works for you. 

But at the same time, don't judge others because what they chose works for them.