Ya girl is (guilt) trippin

When you think about teen/young moms, you always think about how their life changes.

But did you ever think of the people around her whose life has also changed?

I didn't. Until recently.

My parents.

I know this isn't what they had in mind for me.

 I didn't just take time away from me, I took it from them. 

I doubt they wanted to see me waddle across the graduation stage.

 (Although I did so with honors and perfect attendance.) 

I know they wanted to take me to college and help set up my dorm. 

I know they wanted me to come home on weekends.

 I also think about holidays and how they will always be spent with me and my family.

 I don't think they mind but I miss spending Christmas and Easter as a child and I'm

sure they miss having me as a child.

I know that I grew up way too fast, not just for me, 

but for my mom and dad, too.

 

My siblings. 

 I wish I still lived at home with them.

 I love them so much and wish I had the luxury of seeing them whenever. 
Doing whatever with them. Just being a fun big sister.

When I left, they were still little and annoying.Now that they're older, they're like my friends.

 I wish I could have had alone time with them at this age. 

Just get to know them. Travel with them. Spend holidays with them.

Just them.

 

 My friends. 

lol pet the manatee

I had my baby shower two weeks after graduation. We were only eighteen!

My friends planned a baby shower instead of a grad party! They bought diapers, bottles, baby toys

when they should have been buying normal grad gifts. I had amazing friends who didn't make
 me feel ashamed of my situation but I still feel for them.

Anytime we want to do something or go somewhere, I bring Bella (or consider it),

which for a while meant car seat, stroller, diaper bag and a lot of patience.

I breastfed, so that was always fun. 

I would dip out of dinners for 30 minutes.

There were times when Bella threw a fit because it was passed her nap time

and we had to leave our shopping trip early.  It couldn't have been easy for them either.

Sometimes I felt like we didn’t have much in common anymore because I had a child so early.

They were in college, doing crazy shit and I was cleaning it.

 

I don’t think about this or worry about this often.

But for some reason it was heavy on my chest.

 

I doubt anyone reads this but if you do and if you're a part of my life

and have been for the past three years, thanks.

You really don't know how much our relationship means to me.

 

Disclaimer: I know that Devon's life changed too

 but I figured we were all aware.