Monday, October 21, 2013

Ya girl is (guilt) trippin

When you think about teen/young moms, you always think about how their life changes.

But did you ever think of the people around her whose life has also changed?

I didn't. Until recently.

My parents.
I know this isn't what they had in mind for me.
 I didn't just take time away from me, I took it from them. 
I doubt they wanted to see me waddle across the graduation stage.

 (Although I did so with honors and perfect attendance.) 
I know they wanted to take me to college and help set up my dorm. 
I know they wanted me to come home on weekends.
 I also think about holidays and how they will always be spent with me and my family.
 I don't think they mind but I miss spending Christmas and Easter as a child and I'm
sure they miss having me as a child.
I know that I grew up way too fast, not just for me, 
but for my mom and dad, too.

My siblings. 
 I wish I still lived at home with them.
 I love them so much and wish I had the luxury of seeing them whenever. 
Doing whatever with them. Just being a fun big sister.
When I left, they were still little and annoying.Now that they're older, they're like my friends.
 I wish I could have had alone time with them at this age. 
Just get to know them. Travel with them. Spend holidays with them.
Just them.

 My friends. 
lol pet the manatee
I had my baby shower two weeks after graduation. We were only eighteen!
My friends planned a baby shower instead of a grad party! They bought diapers, bottles, baby toys
when they should have been buying normal grad gifts. I had amazing friends who didn't make
 me feel ashamed of my situation but I still feel for them.
Anytime we want to do something or go somewhere, I bring Bella (or consider it),
which for a while meant car seat, stroller, diaper bag and a lot of patience.
I breastfed, so that was always fun. 
I would dip out of dinners for 30 minutes.
There were times when Bella threw a fit because it was passed her nap time
and we had to leave our shopping trip early.  It couldn't have been easy for them either.
Sometimes I felt like we didn’t have much in common anymore because I had a child so early.
They were in college, doing crazy shit and I was cleaning it.
I don’t think about this or worry about this often.
But for some reason it was heavy on my chest.

I doubt anyone reads this but if you do and if you're a part of my life
and have been for the past three years, thanks.
You really don't know how much our relationship means to me.
Disclaimer: I know that Devon's life changed too
 but I figured we were all aware.

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